<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html charset=utf-8"></head><body style="word-wrap: break-word; -webkit-nbsp-mode: space; -webkit-line-break: after-white-space;" class="">Hi friends;<div class=""><br class=""></div><div class="">Just thought that this reflection by Jim Taylor may have some relevance for a person who facilitates discussion groups / participates in a discussion group.</div><div class=""><br class=""></div><div class="">Stay hopeful;</div><div class="">Allan<br class=""><div><br class=""><blockquote type="cite" class=""><div class="">Begin forwarded message:</div><br class="Apple-interchange-newline"><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;" class=""><span style="font-family: -webkit-system-font, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1.0);" class=""><b class="">From: </b></span><span style="font-family: -webkit-system-font, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;" class="">Jim Taylor <<a href="mailto:jimt@quixotic.ca" class="">jimt@quixotic.ca</a>><br class=""></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;" class=""><span style="font-family: -webkit-system-font, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1.0);" class=""><b class="">Subject: </b></span><span style="font-family: -webkit-system-font, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;" class=""><b class="">[Softedges] Discussions: Thursday Mar. 4, 2021, Soft Edges column</b><br class=""></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;" class=""><span style="font-family: -webkit-system-font, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1.0);" class=""><b class="">Date: </b></span><span style="font-family: -webkit-system-font, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;" class="">March 4, 2021 at 11:39:59 PM EST<br class=""></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;" class=""><span style="font-family: -webkit-system-font, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1.0);" class=""><b class="">To: </b></span><span style="font-family: -webkit-system-font, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;" class="">Softedges <<a href="mailto:softedges@lists.quixotic.ca" class="">softedges@lists.quixotic.ca</a>><br class=""></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;" class=""><span style="font-family: -webkit-system-font, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1.0);" class=""><b class="">Reply-To: </b></span><span style="font-family: -webkit-system-font, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;" class=""><a href="mailto:jimt@quixotic.ca" class="">jimt@quixotic.ca</a><br class=""></span></div><br class=""><div class=""><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><i class="">This e-mail is sent only to a voluntary subscriber list. If you no longer wish to receive these weekly columns, send a blank e-mail (no message) to<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><a class="moz-txt-link-abbreviated" href="mailto:softedges-unsubscribe@lists.quixotic.ca" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; color: rgb(149, 79, 114); text-decoration: underline;">softedges-unsubscribe@lists.quixotic.ca</a>. Or write to me personally,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><u class=""><span style="color: blue;" class=""><a href="mailto:jimt@quixotic.ca" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; color: rgb(149, 79, 114); text-decoration: underline;" class=""><span style="color: blue;" class="">jimt@quixotic.ca</span></a></span></u><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>or<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><u class=""><span style="color: blue;" class=""><a href="mailto:rewrite@shaw.ca" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; color: rgb(149, 79, 114); text-decoration: underline;" class=""><span style="color: blue;" class="">rewrite@shaw.ca</span></a></span></u></i></div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><i class=""><span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span>If your reply to anything in this column is blocked, use either address to write to me directly.</i></div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><i class=""> </i></div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><i class=""> </i></div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><i class="">Thursday March 4, 2021</i></div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><i class=""> </i></div><h1 style="margin: 12pt 0cm 3pt; page-break-after: avoid; font-size: 16pt; font-family: 'Arial Black', sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class="">Guidelines for better discussions</h1><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;"> </p><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class="">By Jim Taylor</div><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;"> </p><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class="">I enjoy good discussions. On almost any topic. My aging body no longer permits some other activities, but I haven’t lost my ability to take part in a lively discussion. Yet.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span>Along the way, though, I’ve learned that there are many ways of destroying a discussion, which range from saying too much to not saying anything.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span>In my experience, the most pernicious fault is to drag in an external authority. Perhaps relying on the insights of a famous writer. A quotation from a scientist. A definition from a dictionary. A theory from a theologian.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span>Or, in some circles, citing selected verses from a scriptural text.</div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span>Whatever the source, the intent is clear -- the authority will squelch lesser opinions. Because obviously the authority knows more than any individual in the group.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span>Reliance on external authorities poses two problems.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span>Firstly, the only way to refute one authority is to invoke an alternate authority. The discussion then devolves into a game of “My authority can beat up your authority…”</div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span>Secondly, it denies those authorities themselves the right to learn and change. They wrote out of a particular time and situation. If they were writing today, would they still write the same thing? Would they use the same analogies? The same reasoning?</div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span>If they were radical enough to develop new understandings back then, might they not also have new ideas today?</div><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;"> </p><h2 style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 13pt; font-family: 'Arial Black', sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class="">Seven suggestions</h2><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span>A few years ago, frustrated by a participant who could always -- always! -- produce a Bible verse as the final word on any subject, I developed some simple guidelines to facilitate more open discussion. I insisted that everyone accept those guidelines, if we were to continue. I’ve long ago lost the original printout, but here’s the gist:</div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt 36pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-indent: -18pt;" class=""><span class="">1.<span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span>Speak from your own experience. (“Experience” is not necessarily something happening. It could include the experience of learning something, whether in a formal class or by individual research; your reactions to what you read or heard become part of your experience.)</div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt 36pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-indent: -18pt;" class=""><span class="">2.<span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span>Everyone’s experience is valid. Even not having had a similar experience is a valid experience.</div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt 36pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-indent: -18pt;" class=""><span class="">3.<span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span>No one’s experience is ever wrong. That’s how they experienced it; that’s the way it is for them.</div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt 36pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-indent: -18pt;" class=""><span class="">4.<span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span>It’s legitimate to ask questions about someone’s experience -- for clarity, or to seek common links with your own experience. It’s also legitimate to summarize, in your own words, what you hear someone else saying. But you may not challenge or dispute the experience itself. You may offer alternate interpretations, but you may not insist that your interpretation is more correct than theirs.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt 36pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-indent: -18pt;" class=""><span class="">5.<span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span>Listen first; later, think about how to respond.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt 36pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-indent: -18pt;" class=""><span class="">6.<span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span>Refer to other sources (such as biblical stories or reference texts) only as parallels to your own experience. Draw on others to illustrate your own thoughts, not as a substitute for them.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt 36pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-indent: -18pt;" class=""><span class="">7.<span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span>Accept that anyone may tell you, at any time, that you have said enough.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span>I first introduced those guidelines in a formal study session. I was surprised how much they improved the quality of discussion.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span>I’ve never had to impose them since then. Simply encouraging people to speak out of their own experience has usually sufficed.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 21.45pt 0.0001pt 0cm; line-height: 12.266667366027832px; font-size: 8pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><span lang="EN-AU" class="">*****************************************</span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 21.45pt 0.0001pt 0cm; line-height: 12.266667366027832px; font-size: 8pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><span lang="EN-AU" class="">Copyright © 2021 by Jim Taylor. Non-profit use in congregations and study groups, and links from other blogs, welcomed; all other rights reserved.</span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 21.45pt 0.0001pt 0cm; line-height: 12.266667366027832px; font-size: 8pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><span lang="EN-AU" class=""><span class=""> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span>To comment on this column, write<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><a class="moz-txt-link-abbreviated" href="mailto:jimt@quixotic.ca" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; color: rgb(149, 79, 114); text-decoration: underline;">jimt@quixotic.ca</a></span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 21.45pt 0.0001pt 0cm; line-height: 12.266667366027832px; font-size: 8pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;" class=""><span lang="EN-AU" class="">*****************************************</span></div><p class="Notes" style="margin: 0cm 21.45pt 0.0001pt 0cm; line-height: 12.266667366027832px; font-size: 8pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;"><span lang="EN-AU" class=""> </span></p></div></blockquote></div><br class=""></div></body></html>