[Craic] Christianity

[Mr. Gillis]

Thank you Allan this was hoot, while very humorous it also very serious
wisdom to consider.


Greg


On Sat, Jan 15, 2022 at 4:36 PM Allan Baker via craic <
craic at lists.integralshift.ca> wrote:

> *Trigger Alert! *
> Some of the CRAIC folk may be amused by the following column, and my
> apologies to those who are not followers of “Christianity”.
> Stay hopeful;
> Allan
>
>
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>
>
> Now for something completely different
> *By Jim Taylor*
>
> *Thursday January 13, 2022*
>
> The only channel where I can watch *Jeopardy* is a U.S. channel out of
> Seattle. So, in addition to the contestants’ wit and wisdom, I get to
> listen to ads for U.S. pharmaceutical products.
>             The first few lines urge you to try the drug. Followed by a
> full minute – or, in magazines, a full page, or more -- of warnings about
> possible risks and side effects.
>             It got me thinking that maybe other human institutions should
> be equally up-front about potential consequences.
>             Maybe political parties should caution campaign workers:
> “Getting involved may cause you lose your sense of impartiality. Politics
> has been known to disrupt family relationships…”
>             Military recruiting posters might include a line: “Potential
> risks may include  death or dismemberment.”
>             Or how about fanatic allegiance to a sports team -- the
> Saskatchewan Roughriders, say: “May affect colour vision, rendering all
> colours but green invisible. May have financial implications for travel to
> distant games; before becoming a Roughrider believer, talk to your credit
> counsellor…”
>
>
> Caveats about Christianity
>             But surely the most obvious target would be religion. So I’ll
> chose the one I know best-- Christianity.
>             Imagine the caveats!
>             Christianity has over 2000 years of testing and development.
> It can renew and refresh your life. It can bring comfort in times of pain,
> relief in times of grief, and can help you clarify your attitude to life.
>             But you should be aware…
>             Christianity can also have significant side effects, including
> but not limited to, blindness to other faiths, intolerance of other
> viewpoints, and addiction to biblical proof-texting. Do not commit to
> Christianity without testing your level of credulity.
>             Christianity is not a cure for depression or suicidal
> impulses.
>             Do not take Christianity if you have allergies to Popes,
> Bishops, Deacons, Pastors, Ministers, and/or group therapists.
>             Do not turn to Christianity if meaningless platitudes, quotes
> taken out of context, or memorized liturgical responses induce nausea.
>             You will be asked to believe that a few drops of water can
> quench the eternal fires of hell, and that a tasteless wafer is actually
> bread.
>             Mainstream Christianity is not recommended if you have
> religious pre-conditions, such as participation in Hare Krishna,
> charismatic Pentecostalism, or any  Presbyterian court.
>             When practicing Christianity, avoid books by Thomas Merton or
> Eckhardt Tolle. Richard Rohr’s writings may cause dyspepsia. Anything
> written by Teilhard de Chardin, Karl Rahner,  or John Shelby Spong may
> cause migraine headaches.
>             Beware of generic imitations of Christianity. Insist on the
> original and only true formulation. Do not be misled by Scientology,
> Eckankar, or Theosophy. Also avoid contemporary paraphrases of the Bible,
> which may result in cognitive dysfunction.
>             Take Christianity exactly as prescribed -- weekly. Overdoses
> cannot be counteracted by either Naloxone or EpiPens . Taking Christianity
> less frequently may result in reduced immunity when Jehovah’s Witnesses
> ring your doorbell.
>             If you notice your friends’ eyes glazing over whenever you
> speak, do not call 911. Get yourself to the nearest addiction-group meeting
> immediately.
>             Keep Christianity and its doctrinal texts out of the reach of
> children, as their frontal lobes are not yet sufficiently developed to
> handle the complexities of Christian teachings.
>             Consult your spiritual advisor about the merits of taking
> Christianity regularly. Then enjoy your new life!
> *******************************************************
> Copyright © 2022 by Jim Taylor. Non-profit use in congregations and study
> groups encouraged; links from other blogs welcomed; all other rights
> reserved.
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